My role model is Beverly Goldberg. Of all of the coffee mugs I have, it’s the most accurate gift I’ve received (of course, from my family). Her kids call Beverly a ‘smother’ but honestly, she just personifies how strong the emotions are with those little people to whom you gave birth.
Doesn’t matter how old they are or what’s going on, when your kids are sick, you feel it in every cell of your being. Eight nights sleeping on an uncomfortable chair or not-very-well-cushioned couches can give you lots of time for thinking and listening.
- The Thing That Should Not Be (Metallica). No one wants to go through rough stuff. Not personally and definitely not your most beloved specials. The ones about whom I’ll Go To My Grave Loving You (Statler Brothers) is true. Knowing that something is better off happening does not make it easy. The temptation is to waller around in your worry and concern. That temptation must be overcome. Period.
- Being Me (The Grascals). Everyone handles things differently. Some turn to comfort food, some go into hiding, some complain, some turn to prayer and faith. We’re in a social media world and the choice becomes whether (and how) to share information. I am a fairly transparent person and I believe it has deepened relationships. Sharing my journey, and including my Scriptural bedrocks, does mean that I’ll have some stones cast my way because it’s ‘oversharing’ or ‘Bible-beating’. That’s okay. If who I am is uncomfortable to others… that’s not going to change a thing.
- You’re A Friend Of Mine (Clarence Clemons). There is a difference between the people who are friendly to you, and those who are your actual friends. Nothing quite like a time of trouble to showcase the difference. Friends know you need to be checked on even if you say it’s not necessary. Friends send you funny stuff, knowing that laughter is always an appropriate pressure relief valve. Friends fuss at you to rest and to cry. Friends for life even have you on their parents’ prayer lists. Friendly people vanish because they don’t know what to do or say. As it turns out, my list of friends is wider and deeper than I expected and that there are some shallows that I’ll row around the next time.
- Ain’t Wastin Time No More (Allman Brothers). It’s probably one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in this uncomfortable chair… that I have to do better at doing and showing and not just saying. You watch your special in pain and think about how time could be better spent overall. I’m not one to squander time anyway, but the loose corners are fixing to be tightened up.
- I’m Gonna Hold To His Hand (Lou Reid and Terry Baucom). (Full disclosure: I have kinfolk in this band, so I’m partial to their music). But truly. What else in life can you cling to, save the Lord? Humans will let you down. The humidity is like a hot wool blanket. Volume on the TV doesn’t work right. Dadgum, there is no almond milk around here! Little things feel HUGE when you’re in the uncomfortable chair, because life is under a microscope. God gets that. He always has. He’s bigger than the big stuff, way bigger than the small stuff. Holding on to Him is why I can smile every day and find a new angle in this chair.
- Crumblin’ Down (John Mellencamp). Even still, the strongest of us will crumble from time to time. I’m no different than you. Good moments and rough moments, and a good solid cry can get you to the next moment-no matter what it looks like. You have to fall down to get back up. So please, Save A Prayer (Duran Duran) for these times.
- God Moves In A Windstorm (Blue Highway). Ever notice that on soap operas, the characters only hit their knees in rough times? That the hospital chapel is all they have for a faith home? We are supposed to praise and worship ALL the time, but it’s interesting to note that when times are rough, it’s then that God is most visible. Thank you, Lord, for the storms.
- Feeling Mighty Fine (Statler Brothers). Lord, I Lift Your Name On High (Go Fish Guys). There are about a million songs I could put on repeat for the moment when the corner is turned. When things look brighter! You appreciate these moments SOOOOOOO much after the dark days and nights. Sing! Dance! Rejoice! And give thanks with a grateful heart. Always give thanks!
- This is what advocacy looks like (not a song). It never occurred to me NOT to be here with Timmy during the whole process. Packed his bag for the hospital and packed mine, too. I had my journal to write down all of the medicines and lab tests and doctor opinions because frankly-I can’t remember everything that’s said when it’s outside of my scope of expertise. A nurse mentioned how lucky Timmy was to have someone here with him all the time. That many kids in the hospital are alone. Talk about a heartbreaking thought. I know that I’m privileged to have a community to help with everything, and honored to have clients who understand my whacked-out schedule. Who will advocate for those kids? Advocacy is not about being an expert, it’s about being present, paying attention, and being vocal. If I’m not here, my child is at the mercy of others who may be awesome at what they do, but who just don’t know him like I know him. (If you can’t see the RPAC analogy yet, just wait for the video).
Thanks, chair. You’ve helped me a lot. Now, I’ll help others more than I have. And I’m booking a long massage pronto.
(Want my playlist? Available on your Spotify.)